Alexandr Lysenko
Why Do I Write Essays on the Internet?
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At the time of this writing, I ask myself following questions: Why am I doing this? Why have I created my own website? What drives me to put my writings on the internet? These are tough questions to answer.
The internet today gives its users many leisure opportunities. We find each other by mutual interests, communicate online, receive feedback and support. There are large informational resources situated a few clicks away from a motivated person. I can ask questions on a forum, work with documents in “cloud”, spend time with my friends in a cooperative game. The internet provides access to books, articles, images, music, video, desktop and mobile games. Be it gardening, drawing, or another passion, everyone can create their own tiny digital place, which is open for other network users to visit. There are free tools for running a personal webpage, voice chat, broadcast, gallery or video channel; software for development, art, and editing. With only a smartphone or computer it’s possible to record a video that might be seen by millions. Some users on internet platforms turn their hobby into a real career and do it for a living. At the very end, the common knowledge gathered on the internet becomes the foundation for an artificial intelligence, which, perhaps, will understand and represent the humanity in all its being. As I was growing up and witnessing how the internet becomes the modern good, I often wondered where my place should be in this space of world wide web.
But I also can’t help myself but feel that personal interactions in the internet remain superficial, brief, and fake sometimes. I’m not required to reveal my real name, or show my natural look. Many people behave in a way, which is unlikely to happen when talking to someone in person. There are endless news, TV-series, and videos to waste your time mindlessly, all of which will be forgotten in the next hour. Free services don’t meet someone’s expectations completely, but keep showing ads, selling products, and collecting user data. Projects created in collaboration start charging their users for subscription, and prominent internet-figures only reply to a text attached to donation. Companies cheat high ratings, and there is no confidence anymore that your opponents don’t abuse third-party software in online games. Either at the very beginning of an article in a prestigious scientific journal, or at the thousandth chapter in a light novel, readers might suddenly discover careless traces of a procedurally generated content. There is always a suspicion that you encounter bots that create but appearance of popularity or quality. The modern internet has many sides, just like the people who use it.
When a user actively participates in the life online, eventually they notice another side of the internet — how one’s actions might seem in vain. My comment stays under a video, but most likely will be lost among hundreds of others. My message receives positive reactions, but will be archived soon. A new game update will devalue all of my previous “achievements” and ask for payment. If the video gets deleted, or the forum gets closed, or the game becomes discontinued, the parts of my biography attached to it—even under a nickname—will disappear with it as well, as if I didn’t exist at all. Then I should create another account, meet new “friends”, and gather imaginary reputation on a new platform. One way or another, this cycle repeats itself in the never-ending flow of information, trends and technologies. Even if I leave something unique and authentic on the internet, that might be adapted if not by other people, then by large language models and artificial intelligence systems. When someone’s account gets deleted, a neural networks won’t roll back, but will continue to use that someone’s unordinary idea or advice as a part of shared wisdom with a price tag. Why bother trying to be original, if your biography might not be simply ignored, but worse than that – be stolen?
On one hand, I want to participate in social life, do something meaningful and feel recognized. Internet is not the best place for achieving this; often it’s only a caricature of real life and relationships. Nevertheless, with all the resources and opportunities, today a person might discover themselves in that place as well. On the other hand, I don’t want to compete with people and algorithms for doubtful results, which often bring not a difference, but an addiction. On the internet people gamble not only with their money, but also with their time, motivation, and identity; today a person might lose themselves in that place as well.
For a long time I’ve been thinking about creating a website, where I could write about things, which concern me. I am attracted the most by free-form essays, in which children write about their summer vacation. Without a template, requirements for quality or professional jargon a person describes their experience, whereas any result is good. If I want, there will be a smile at the end of my sentence, or, if I wish, there will be a cute animal. I could write like this, and I also could write like that. There is always a chance the teacher gives you a failing grade, although never for the impressions from the past, but for the literacy in the present. Primarily, essay is an attempt, and if someone tries expressing themselves again one month or one year later, that is still good. Whatever my essays might actually become—a scribble or curriculum vitae—I’ll keep thinking about them as of my past, that formed me. I’m afraid of making mistakes or expecting my work to be for nothing, but it’s even scarier to stay idle and regret of never even trying. Perhaps only with such attitude I may perform a somewhat meaningful public activity and stay true to myself. Writing doesn’t come easy, and I’ve already spent many nights on this text; however I find this exercise worthwhile.