Alexandr Lysenko
Lunch with strangers
For a long time, when I visited cafeterias, I ate my lunch alone. Sometimes, together with my classmates in the university, and rarely with my working colleagues. And I never liked the word “loneliness.” I used to think that it happened “in solitude” between work and routines. How would my life change if I had my lunch with strangers?
For a month I asked strangers to have lunch together.
Before approaching the first table I hesitated and was anxious. There were many people in a cafeteria, and not enough free tables for everyone. I went to the closest table with free seats, and asked two young women if we could eat together. They said that the place was occupied. Then I joined another person nearby, and had my lunch in silence.
From that day I went to other visitors in the cafeteria, made eye contact, and asked about the possibility to eat together. Sometimes people became irritated, and pointed to another table. Generally, they didn’t think much about my request. People hurried or agreed quickly, because they thought there were not enough seats. I took off my outer clothing, washed my hands, and then sat with them.
I had many prejudices about how a young man should carry himself with strangers of different sex and age. I took for a rule not to reduce my attempts to conflict or joke. When people denied, I wished them a good day and went to another table. When people agreed, I sat at their table, wished them to enjoy their meal, and ate with them.
When we had our lunch together, I kept silence. I didn’t think about what I should do or say next, but only ate my lunch. Usually, one of us finished eating first, and went away.
Gradually I got a bit more confident, and thought, what strangers can talk about. If someone agreed to have their meal with you, then maybe they would answer at least one your question. I didn’t ask their name, age, place of living or working, and didn’t discuss any personal information. Every day I asked one single question, - “What do you think, how people’s life would change if they had their lunch with strangers?” People answered me, and I sustained the conversation. When they kept silence or didn’t want to talk, I just ate my lunch, and didn’t bother them anymore.
With time I started asking other general questions. One question during one conversation. For example, I asked, - “What do you think about a popular saying - When I eat, I’m deaf and mute” (Russian proverb, closely translated as “Don’t talk with your mouth full”). I asked people for their opinion on common subjects, or asked to share their experience. I found out it was possible to talk with strangers about life, work, religion and politics. And respect personal space with that.
I’d never seen someone do this before, and at one moment even thought to write a book. Can’t describe everything which had been happening to me during that month. I didn’t get rid of my fear to meet new people completely. The best conversations happened when I had no hidden intent and no expectations left.